RENEWAL! I have been waiting til I lost 30 lbs to write this....
AND TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!
For years, I have had this sweet little blog that makes my heart happy, but I have ignored it for the past few years and tried to pretend that I was going to make changes. I didn't. And I kept trying and giving up. 
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| I got my chin back... 20 lbs gone |
Last December, God put the word Surrender on my heart. I thought He wanted me to surrender my finances, my parenting, almost everything. I didn't realize He wanted me to surrender my control and put it in His hands.
In October, I was doing a study on Esther using Beth Moore's book with an awesome group of ladies.
Something hit me... BIG!
"And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this" Esther 4:14
SUCH A TIME AS THIS!!!!
If Esther didn't act immediately, her people would die. She could have just buried her head in the sand and ignored what was happening to her people. She was doing alright. She was the queen. It wasn't a great life. She hadn't even seen her king in 30 days. Should she put her life on the line now? Her uncle, Mordecai, knew she had to. And when he says, "Who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this" it spurs her to move forward. She knows she may die. She even says in Esther 4:16, "If I perish, I perish." Wow! Imagine having all that pressure to do something that you know is right but it could kill you, or knowing that your people WILL die if you don't.
I realized that I make much easier decisions daily but still struggle with those decisions. It seems that my stronghold this year and in the past few years has been my decision making. Especially what decisions I am making concerning my health. I will in no way compare this to the heroic decisions that Esther made, but I can learn something from what she did.
I have gotten way too comfortable in my life. I feel like everything personal has been put on the back burner for me for a while now. I focus on work and being a mom and I even manage to fit in time with Jesus. But what about me? Oh, I do things for myself, but they aren't always healthy. Recently I read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, and I was convicted about how I crave food and treating myself to that food more than I crave God! Ouch! This is not something I am proud of.
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| I am mortified by the pic on the left. But there it is.... 30 lbs down |
That was it, I just knew that I would lose a million pounds and give all the glory to God. (I even saw my skinny self declaring it while I sat on the back of the convertible with my sash and crown waving to all that came to my "She's finally skinny parade" to celebrate this feat... Just kidding... kinda) I got back home and ran into the same thought process I always have, "I will do it... SOON." I know I am not the only one who says this... soon... I will start monday, or on the first or in the new year....
About a week later, I was woken up to a thought in the middle of the night. "Who knows! Could your word for the year, Surrender have been given to you for such a time as this!" It felt like it had been said specifically to me. I didn't hear a thunderous boom or a deep Morgan Freeman-like voice. I just thought it. And I, FINALLY, realized that NOW was the time. I don't have to be perfect but now, at this very moment, it was time. I have always felt God would use my story for something, but I have never SURRENDERED control of this particular stronghold. I have never given my cravings of food to God. I have never actually surrendered them. I would try to, but I would pick them up later in the McDonald's drive thru. No more! I will do this! I will change my habits because I want to honor the Lord. That was Oct. 28th, 2019.
Esther did a whole lot more than what I have been doing with this past two weeks, and I am not trying to say I am anything like her. But I know that in order to be who God wants me to be, I have to surrender this stronghold to God. I have asked God to unsettle me and to remind me that the number on the scale doesn't define me. I also ask God to help me when it's time to make a food choice. I have talked to Him a lot more in these last 2 months than I have in the past. Sometimes I have even painfully asked why those incredible cookies from Chicken Salad Chick can't be healthy!
He keeps reminding me of Ephesians 4:22-24: You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
I have been asking people to pray for my "want to" in this journey over the last month, and it is SO VERY evident that people are! Some of you are, I know it. And I am so grateful for your obedience.
This growth has only come in the last few months and I pray deeply that I stay the course. I know not everyone struggles with this issue, but I do hope it helps someone else.
I would love to hear how you are going to enter 2020... For me, my vision for 2020 is clear.... it's time for RENEWAL! I am ready to transform into who God wants me to be.
What is your word for 2020? Share it with me!
